Some thoughts.

"And I'm here to remind you of the mess you left when you went away....IT'S NOT FAIR to deny me of the cross I bear that you gave to me...you OUGHTA KNOW!!!" (Bit of angry-vagina-music...seriously bitter and petty stuff, really.)

"It's no good. When someone leaves you, apart from missing them, apart from the fact that the whole little world you've created together collapses, and that everything you see or do reminds you of them, the worst is the thought that they tried you out and, in the end, the whole sum of parts which adds up to you got stamped REJECT by the one you love. How can you not be left with the personal confidence of a passed-over British Rail sandwich?" (Aww... No, I don't feel like this, but I thought it was an insightful comment. Surprisingly insightful for the book it's from, anyway.)

"My love keeps growing more passionate and selfish, while his is dying, and that's why we're drifting apart...And there's nothing I can do. And he wants more and more to get away from me. We were irresistably drawn together up to the time of our love, and now we have been irresistably drifting apart. And there's no altering that." (Possibly an exaggeration from the queen of melodrama?? Anyway, don't really feel this way. I just thought I'd add some proper literature to this list).

"I've been dishonest to both of us, and utterly unfair to you..." (Heh. Terrible line.)

"We'd be living a lie. I couldn't do that. Could you??" (Much, much worse...and delivered in such an awfully deadpan way.)

Ok, so that was a mixture of high and low culture. And oddly enough, none of it really encapsulates this particular moment. Bitterness, despair, etc, don't really feature. It's more a mixture of resignation, disappointment, frustration and relief that it ended before it got worse. Plus some sad wistfulness, and a bit of surprise that there do exist obstacles that cannot be overcome. I've never been one to put much stock in circumstance - I've always focused on the individual, and how much they can do in situations. So it's a shock to realise that sometimes the individual really is powerless to change some things.

Anyway, there's also optimism for the future stemming from the incorrigible naivete and blind hopefulness of being 18. I really don't think anything can look black at this stage. Seriously. Much love to all my friends - you guys are the BEST. You all know who you are - all you people on the receiving end of phone calls, msn convos, or face to face chats... You are very dear to me, and I value you so much.

Aaarrggghh well there's an exam to study for, sleep to be had, and tumultuous emotions to be sorted out. I'll conclude with the best quotes:

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me."

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

Well - at least, these are the ones that give a sense of inner peace more than anything I know. I know I must trust God with my life - literally. Give myself up to His will. And I'm praying that I'll be able to do that, and be at peace with whatever He wants me to do. Thanks again to everyone for their love and support - I am very grateful for you all. =)

PS: Kudos to everyone who manages to pick the sources of my quotes! And for the last ones - I want exact places. Hehe.